Several of the many wonderful things about my itouch

app store app store app store!

if I were a child and my mother were coming towards my highchair with a big bowl of app store,
I would be banging my spoon in happy anticipation.

I always want to know what temperature it is. Thank you, Magic Disco SpacePod!

There is something about the back of my itouch that reminds me of a bean. A shiny kidney bean from the future.

A Logical Analysis of the Manwich Commercial Song:

You don’t have to be a man to love Manwich

Accepted: Men’s palates have not been demonstrated to be different from all other palates (see A Logical Analysis of the argument ‘Real men don’t eat quiche’)

You don’t have to be a witch either – it’s true

Accepted on multiple grounds:

1. The ‘Wich argument: It is not a Man-witch, it is a Manwich, presumably a play on Sandwich, which is based on the Earl of Sandwich who was so dissolute in his gambling ways that he did not want to leave the gambling table to eat at a different table, so he ordered that a meal of meat be placed betwixt two slices of bread so that he could continue to squander his money on a fuller stomach.
2. The Witch argument: Presumably if witches were the sole market for Manwich, the market would be small indeed as most witches are fictional or definitely don’t want to be advertizing the fact lest Sarah Palin’s minister hunt them down.

You just have to love a hot tasty dinner

Disregarding the foodstuff itself, a very inclusive statement: excludes only people who live in hot climates and prefer not to eat hot (temperature-wise) foods, people who don’t eat dinner, and perhaps people with general food aversion (tasty means delicious – who doesn’t like delicious – people with general food aversion). This leaves a large pool of people.

And getting some of that dinner on you.

With this statement, Manwich loses most of the civilized audience. A love of slovenliness is a necessity for love of the Manwich? The analyst is disgusted.

Julia's Annotations on Grey's Anatomy

So Last Night I had to watch Grey's Anatomy alone (instead of with the usual Sunday night crew of me, Monkey and Monkey's Roommate when she feels like it) and so I thought I'd provide my commentary that I would have made to another person live to you, my gentle blog reader, whenever you read this.

All these comments relate to the February 12th episode of Grey's Anatomy entitled As We Know It (being the second part of a two part series that begun with It's the End of the World)*

I really hate that guy who stood in front of the bazooka. Big jerk. “I want to play with olde timey guns- whee! O no! now I’m gonna kill like 40 ppl because they want to help my dumb asss!” I don’t want anyone to die :(

Izzie’s gotta fix that hair if you know what I mean <>

Ok, stealing Mer’s bf wasn’t enough- could also had to yell at our pretty puppy George? Mrs. McDreamy is really the villain of the piece, but her actions can be construed as justified. Maybe.

I bet Meredith could pee herself right now and no one would think any less of her.

O SHIT! (with the bump)

Is that the guy from Early Edition? And yes, I Just admitted that I saw at least one Early Edition. It was about a fire in a warehouse. and stopping the fire before it's too late!!! and then the blind chick was like "whaa?" and that guy was like "hey!" and everyone was like "whoa! "

STOP TELLING US ABOUT CANCELED SCHOOLS! YOu've been doing it for the whole hour, and it's making the picture smaller and my tv is plenty small, thank you. Also, did you know that a plasma tv uses as much energy as the average refrigerator? S'true! Would I lie to you about random facts? Trivia is my life's blood- to lie about trivia is to stab my soul with a prison shiv.

George is such a sweetheart. He has sugary internal organs.

K, this is just to make you flinch: sweetmeats.

Y'know, Mer, he's no Dr. but the bomb guy isn't half bad looking if you need to move on. Just sayin.

Ok, 20 more minutes. No one better die. I mean that, ABC. I'm 18-34 and a good little shopper, so don't make me stop watching your excelllent programming.

Va-jay-jay hehehehe.

No!!! YAY!!! Maybe!!! Trying not to get hopes up!!!

It would have been really mean to go (thought interrupted by explosion) O SNAP!

(end of thought) "BOOOM!!!" right now. But I guess the bomb beat me to it.

O who cares, stop with the Christina Ricci and get to the Meredith part!!!

That ain't the she that he meant and - O, Mrs Head Resident you stole the words from my mouth.

She's probably concussed.

I bet that baby looks adorable in a onesie.

I got nothing for the end. What am I a-supp'sed to say?

I hope you enjoyed :)

*geddit? GEDDIT???

My new favorite band is The Decembrists and I'm sure you'll agree if you

a. Like Pirates, because as Evan says, it really is Pirate Music
b. Like Belle and Sebastian, but wish that they would make more sea-oriented funny songs.

Try "The Mariner's Revenge Song" or "This Soldiering Life" if you want to just listen for a moment before committing fully to loving them so much that you want to give up your life to go to their every concert in full pirate/pirate wench gear.


Also, I think there's something slightly illicit about nodding to your kindly old professor while ODB sings about putting killer ants in your pants and the other parts of that song, all of which are more rude and crude than that one sentiment. Senor Pod has a dirty sense of humor.

In which I reveal my evil side.

I'm in Health Care Regulation, which sounds dreadfully dull, but today was rather fun as we played "War Story" what-would-you-do?

(For those of you not in law school, "War Story" is when the professor hauls out some hoary story about his/her days at a litigator/administrator/expert witness (aka someone who ventures outside of the ivory tower) and one particularly interesting/gruesome/heroic case that s/he worked on. Usually there is much flapping of hands and imitation of voices and discussion of strategery both on his/her side and the other (either wrong on all counts, or morally right but worse at the strategery) side and how the lawyer either triumphed or how it comically left him/her in the best of all possible worlds. Because if it didn't leave him/her in the best of all possible worlds, that would mean that s/he hadn't spun it enough)

So we're discussing how we should fix the current dilemma in healthcare blee bloh blah and our professor, who's favorite method of illiciting response is the "starts-with-this-letter" gambit, says "and how do we take care of the problem of spending thousands and thousands of dollars on ppl who aren't going to live for more than 2 weeks? (silence) It starts with an E..."

And before I even consciously process the question, I pipe up with "Euthanasia?"


I'm a terrible person. In my defense, i was thinking about the David Sedaris story "The Youth in Asia" with his cat who would have needed a thousands+ operation to live and my whole bioethics class (in which we discussed Terry Schiavo for years and years) and at the same time Logan's Run and Children of the Corn (which is an interesting amalgam), so maybe I really am a monster.

The real answer was "efficiency" but I think it got lost in the shocked gasps and outburst of nervous laughter that occured simultaneously to me turning bright red and clapping my hands over my mouth. Apparently, my mouth is commanded more by my impulsive side, or maybe my side that always wants a laugh.


And Hey, if you want to reduce cost, I'd like you to think of a better spur-of-the-moment answer that starts with E than euthanasia. I was thinking about palliative care and how I would rather not linger for months in a hospital but die peacefully in a hospice without extraordinary means taken (if there's no cure in the really near future) and how that shouldn't be a bad thing but for some reason is in our society.


I'm gonna stop analyzing my response, because probably the next answer out of my mouth would be Eunice or Echinacea. My brain is not the world's most logical place.


Or maybe I am just evil.

I would like to refute TV Guide's opinion and say that both Now Voyager and Clue deserve more than 2 stars. What does it take to satisfy TV Guide if not classic lines or Oscars? I think the fact that we're still watching both years and years after they were filmed should rate then at 3 stars at least.


I think TV Guide is a genre snob.

james lipton is trying to go a little shatner, don't you think? He's trading on his camp status, he's literally imitating Shatner by poet-voicing someone else's song, he's buddying up to Conan...


He amuses me nonetheless- I wish him luck.

either on Spring break or after the Bar, i want to go on a Frank Lloyd Wright Roadtrip. Anyone with me?

Day of Cake, Day of Pain

On my first birthday as a diabetic, my lovely friends all tried to do something nice for me. Unfortunately, my three separate groups of friends did not communicate, so I had three separate birthday cakes.

Yup.

As I am a diabetic with the rotteness sweet tooth that ever lived in a mouth, all roads led to pain. Should I eat a little of all of the cakes and take on more sugar than I can actually handle? Or should I turn down cake, a herculean task that would hurt the feelings of the darling people who thought of me on my birthday? I kept my dilemma under my hat for the first two ceremonies, but at the third I broke down and confessed. A motherly roommate then patted my back and ushered the cake-bearer out of the room.

I had never been so glad to see cake go away.



My mom always forgets my birth date, which I don't really understand as shouldn't she be the one to remember it? After all, it was a pretty traumatic day for her body as well as mine.


I'm still excited about getting older - the longer I live, the harder it is to kill me. Antibodies!

2006: The Year of the Bridesmaid

I'm in a truckload of weddings in 2006 which makes me feel loved and appreciated. And the wonderful thing about weddings is that everyone always plays Earth Wind and Fire songs like it's still 1975 and my bridesmaid dress is a powder blue sparkly disco halter gown to match the groomsmens powder blue ruffley tuxes.*


This was the last lovely long vacation of my student career. Four weeks, ppl! A month of loafing! I decorated my parents' house for Christmas, then there was a week where my bum accidently got superglued to the couch (o well, I'll just have to watch lots of "As Time Goes By") (my parents own all 8 seasons) (if only american tv had british ppl with british accents playing all major roles, my mother might actually watch something besides PBS and BBC America)

Then there was New Years (on which many shrimp were thrown at expectant hibachi-eatin mouths and many raspberries met their bubbly death in my champagne) then there was a day, then I went to California and Mexico. I'll try not to talk about Mexico, because I've noticed that ppl try to be happy for me, but underneath they're probably making a "meemeemeemeemee" noise in sync with what I'm saying and adding exaggerated arm gesticulations and fake laughter and then slowly drifting off to a dream world in which I drive my expensive convertible off a cliff to crash at the bottom in a warm blast of flame and they inherit that ___ of mine that they've always admired. And somehow, mentioning that I had food poisoning and that it was super super cold in San Diego doesn't win me any points.

I really don't know why.

I will say this one thing: when we boarded our ship (the cruiseline will remain nameless, but it is derived from the medival festival in which the poorest peasants in the manor village were dressed up and treated as king and queen for the day and the manor lord and lady were treated like the poorest peasants (but somehow i doubt that)), my father leaned over and muttered to my mom and me "so the motif they're going for is early french whorehouse?" and then my mom said something to the effect of "this dining room looks like mardi gras threw up."

I have to admit that the decor grows on you. Or maybe it's like if you listen to loud awful music long enough you'll lose your hearing and the loud awful music sounds quiet and pretty. The end result is the same as long as you wait about a month before you redecorate your own house.

But then, after I came back, there was still like a half week! It was ridiculous! I needed to come up with new ways to loaf as I was developing loaf sores and aggravating old loafing injuries! It got so boring that it's even boring to write about! So I'm gonna stop now.


but to end my rather boring re-entry, here's a funny folk song lyric that I want to share:

"from Big Rock Candy Mountain
"There's a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
And you can paddle
All around it in a big canoe"

People over the age of 5 actually used to sing this song. I bet they didn't have anything like sarcasm back then. Or dieting. O, the good old days.








*(Note to my ladies tying the knot and picking out bridesmaid dresses: I would be totally into a powder blue sparkly disco halter gown.)

you may remember the last time i mentioned my estate and gift tax book (you may not, I really can't be bothered to find the reference right now, but it was like in september or something) but the woman is trying her very bestest to make E&GT interesting, including referencing Uncle Tom's Cabin ("as Topsy would say, the estate tax has 'all growed up' since the early part of the century") and this fabulous little bit of editorializing:

"Despite radical changes in societal attitude toward the institution of marriage in recent years, the cultural lag which seems to influence all thinking within the Capital Beltway has kept the "marital" part of the marital deduction right up there with motherhood (post-teen, in wedlock, and off welfare), alar-free apple pie, and fireproof flags."

You tell 'em, Willibanks!



(taking that exam bright and early tomorrow then i'm OUT OF THIS PLACE).

My Holiday Card to you:

last christmas
i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away

this year
to save me my tears
i'll give it to galiano