Joe

My friend Katie and I took this class called "Emerson Nietzsche & Freud" in college (fabulous class, I speak of it often) with a charming array of other students. In our many discussions (this being a very vocal yet interest group o' students), we all got to know each other's views of the war, favorite Nietzsche passages, and secret ambitions (mine: carpenter; byrd's: dinosaur). And Katie and I met the perfect man.

Logically and rationally, I know that there is no such thing as the perfect man. But as Katie and I would talk on the phone for about an hour a day, a passing remark such as "Joe's cool" or "Joe made a good comment in class" would be enthusiastically agreed with and heightened to "Joe is so nice and thoughtful- he really is a decent human being" to be retorted to with "Decent!? Joe is perfect down to every little hair on his beard!" escalating to the tippy-tops of our affection with an "All Hail Joe the Magnificent!" (We don't have much conversational self-control)


So from that point on, we would go into class and just admire how neat Joe was in all his Joeness. So cuddly, so hiker-y, so bearded. Then we'd run home and phone each other to say "Did you hear what Joe said to me today? He was like 'You are a lovely person'" and then we'd both swoon. Joe had a way of being so that everything he said sounded like the best compliment, case and point being when he called Katie (from Waynesboro) a "mountain girl" and she didn't want to slug him.


You might think we would scare the boy with our attentions, but we kept our devotions on the inside. We didn't want Joe all to ourselves, and we weren't covetous of his attention. We understood that we must share Joe with the world. To say we understood is to imply that we had to do so grudgingly, but we did it gladly. We wanted to share Joe with the world- Joe without the world interaction would be meaningless. Our mutual crush on Joe was asexual and nonpossessive (though Katie's first comment on me rementioning Joe is "the beard was hot") (her admiration of beards was where the "mountain girl" comment came from).


Occasionally, when iming each other now, we talk about Joe and how hot the beard was. And then we try to google him, but as we know his views on the war but we don't know his last name, it's kinda tricky. Which is a good thing, I think, because it's nice to have the thought of a perfect man when you are feeling anti-male. As I was tonight when an asshat in my dorm would not hold the secure door for me when i was 5 feet away with loads of heavy groceries. I needed a reason not to hate people. So I thought of Joe, and the thought of him restored my faith in mankind. Thanks Joe :)